02 June 2009

issues i have to deal with at this very moment

hi to all....it's being a while since my last post...i was battling myself with issues that have been havouring my mind since last two months...

1st issue:-

last 18th April was my last day @ the company that i have been working with for the past 3 years..i was in the conflict of "should i really leave the company which i dearly love?"...coz for your info that company i.e the M.D gave me green light to bring my daughter, my beloved daughter to work (coz i'm the kind of person who don't trust others except my family to take care of Sarah and plus having all the bad news of what happened to child left @ nurseries nowaddays)and even set the very next room to him as my nursing room for my daughter...i was thinking of not to resign, but 1 issue that make me felt like i didn't receive a respect from my M.D coz 1 week before my last day, the M.D approved to change the lockpad @ the office without telling me...if you are in my shoes, how would you feel?it seems like the company really want to ditch me away...i waited until my last day and left without securing another job in my hand...pretty risky isn't it??

2nd issue:-

just a few weeks before my last day i was called by this 1st board listed company for an interview...last year my friend who works there recommend me to work there....i was supposed to call back the company after my confinement last year, but i was so in love with the company that i worked previously, so i just kept quiet about it...but after waht happened to me @ my previous company, i've decided to call them...i went there for an unofficial chat with one of the managers and he asked me quite a few things like why i want to leave my current company and other things...a week after the chat i got a called from that company and asked me to came for the interview and i did....the interview went well and a week later i got the news that i'm going to be employed by them...but the problem is the appointment letter took a long time and meaning by long time is that i have to wait until the letter came out then only i can join the company...so i was unemployed for almost 1 month and that gave me more time to spend with my daughter and doing other stuff that i haven't got a chance when i was employed...

3rd issue:-

after being unemployed for 1 month and have all the time in the world to spend and take care of my daughter, i joined this new company...now i'm with the company for 2 weeks already and i can feel the conflict inside me that i don't want to work anymore...i want to be with my daughter, taking care of her, cook for her and give her the best that i can give....i'm now in the cross roads whether should i or should i not become a full time mom...i also have a business to run with my sisters...at least i can be my own bos and have flexible time to run the business...and that can can make me have all the time in the world for Sarah...as when i joined this company, i made the most cruel, unimaginable and unforgiven decision when i have to send Sarah back to my hometown to be taking care by my family...i was so broken hearted when i wave her goodbye @ KLIA....i cried my heart out in the car all the way from KLIA to my house....i was on the verge of not letting her go that nite, but i have no choice....of course the new company won't allow me to take Sarah to work, and i have to find nursery for her...but as i told previously, i'm not relly keen on searching the nursery for her as i am not confident enough of how the staff @ the nursery would treat her...does they take care of her like i takes care of her since he was born??she's with my family for 2 weeks now...and i'm gonna get her back this weekend....i already found a nursery for her....hope she can get along with all kids there and hope that the staff there takes good care of her....berserah pada Allah....

the verdict:-

for those who knows me or those who read this blog, feel free to leave a constructive comment whether or not i leave the job that i have now and be a full time mom to Sarah and in the meantime running my business or should i continue working and send Sarah to the nursery to takes care of her while i'm working?????????is anyone out there have this kind of conflict that i have now???i'm sure there are...as for me, there are pros and cons of having this kind of thought....please, leave a comment....i really in need of advice here.....

5 comments:

Mama-Miya a.k.a "Jedi Hopeful" said...

i wrote something about stay at home mom...in response to ur troubled mind..check out at my blog.

Watie Aziz said...

hi homo mum,

i understand the situation u face now, i dulu pun rasa cam u, berbelah bagi nak kerja atau tau ..(my case lain sikit, sebab masa qarissa 4 bulan dalam perut, i resign) so all the time mmg kat brumah dan malas nak carik kerja lain coz tgh pregnant . Niat di hati nak kerja balik lepas bersalin but makin lama dgn Q, makin susah i nak kerja balik.. its so hard to explain kan ...i rasa hanya ibu ibu jer yg leh paham that feeling ..

me too have own business since i kerja dulu, cuma dulu time kerja taklah begitu fokus, maksudnya kalau ada sales, adalah, if takder, i still got my monthly salary. cuma bila dah jadi WAHM, i treat the business seriously lah kan ..sebab tak mau susahkan my husband plak ..susah jugak kalau only 1 income ni, so mmg kena struggle lebih lah ..

tapi alhamdulillah, tuhan mudahkan jalan i, DIA yg lebih tahu niat kita kan, so far i dah resign setahun 6 bulan kot, setakat nih my life before & after resign tak banyak beza. maksud i, i still jalani normal life macam i kerja dulu, belanja guna duit sendiri, tak harap gaji suami, bil bil rumah & all expenses masih bhg dua with hubby.semua masih in order like i kerja jugak..bezanya satu jer .. i can spent 24/7 with my dotter, fully bf dia, play & learn together & she showed tremendous development so far. alhamdulillah sangat ..kalau htr ker nursery @ maid jaga, tak pasti camner perkembangan dia ..

sumtime i risau juga (ni pun ada panggilan interview SPA) i tak tahulah camner ..80% cam tak pergi kot that interview..:( tapi i berserah jer lah ..maybe bila dia dah ebsar sikit i kerja balik ker ..i pun susah nak cakap (kalau ada 2nd baby camner pulak erk ...)

u buat apa yg u rasa terbaik utk keluarga. Kalau bisnes u skang boleh cover ur lifestyle sama macam u kerja, then u boleh fokus that bisnes dan majukan lagi. if not, maybe u kukuhkan sket dulu, then only decide...i believe allah will always help u coz DIA tahu isi hati u terhadap ur lovely dotter

Feel free to surf my blog cerita pasal my experience during mothers day ..
http://geniusqarissa.blogspot.com/2009/05/mothers-day-erti-sebuah-pengorbanan.html

May allah bless u always ..

Rgds,
Watie

-hanum- said...

Salam Homo_Mum,

I'm Hanum, Ija's blog reader/friend who is currently doing my PgDip in Psychology at Melbourne Uni.

Reading Ija's article on Stay-at-Home-Mom introduce me to your blog.

Just wanna share a blog of my friend regarding the same issue, but from a different perspective. She is a stay-at-home-mom who do an online business.

http://mytripletspunye.blogspot.com/2009/05/stay-at-home-mom.html

Hope the link works! And hope her article and the comments that she received from her readers will help you in making your decision.

May Allah ease your heart in making this decision.

Salam.

ummunawwar said...

Hello Homo_mum,
Im now preggy with my second baby. Its now my 35th week..and its tiring to travel to-fro KL-Seremban everyday! But, I keep setting my mind not to think on my terrible backache (due to my back-bone injury)& the risk on possibility to accdntally pop my baby out while im in the bus, BUT I focus my mind on the excitement I have in: my daily office-chore plus the fact to wait that moment when a cute tiny baby will be back in my arms and breastfeeding. what a wonderful experience a mom would ever have!!

And believe me, I've had gone through a mother-guilt-feeling period that you are now facing, with my first daugher. Shes now 2 yrs 5 months.An infact,im still having the feeling deeply inside my heart when I look into her innocent dark beautiful eyes.
Well, dont feel down, actually for me, to have that guilt-feeling is a good sign for a very loving & caring mother as we just being a normal mom. I too had (and still have) that certain degree of untrustfulness towards babysitter coz we can never judge on what basis our kids are being taken care, is it on love-basis or is it on profit making-basis???
OMG! its a stressful mind to keep thinking on it! My husband always said "Leave it to God".

Its such an unending worry if I keep thinking abt it..but,as for my case, I've got no choice other than to earn and keep earning as to help my parents, family & to help my hubby financially. To quit from my job??-->its an out-of-question issue for time being and being a working mom+separated from my toddler for almost 14 hours a day is a 'jihaad' (battling) for me & you rite now. Its kind of jihaad with our own mind & emotion. I know its not easy and infact it hurts most of the time for me&you to feeling guilty. In this respect, we have to BELIEVE in GOD and TAWAKKAL. Always pray pray and pray for God is always Listening.
But, pray is not enough if we do not embark anything to solve it, right?

Im also dreaming to work at home..(well, if its a dream its not realistic, isnt it? hhehe..) okay..Let us all together IMAGINING to work at home so that we can work and spent time with our kids 24/7. But mind you, it needs extra-discipline as your door may be knocked knocked by un-understanding guests in our "home-office-hour". haha.
Another big issue is SOHO (small office home office) is not sth very well-accepted in Malaysia, maybe its because we havent reached that Developed country/nation yet. To practise SOHO work-style we (the country) have to have a conducive 'work-environment' esp the ICT must me superb!
its a long way to go isnt it?
(Personally, for Malaysia to have a high quality modal insan, first&foremost it has to start from home--> mother to kids bond must be very good.If we cannot go for SOHO for working mother why not improving our Childcare System?? The regulators must first come with a GOOD POLICY especially in Breast-feeding and CHILDCARE CENTRE. I hope Datin Sri Rosmah's work on PERMATA will show some benifial results!

My all lady-reader friends..
What about starting with passive-income first. like opening online business etc then, after getting enough saving, we'll start launching our SOHO.And dont forget to invite me to your SOHO launcing..

Keep up a good motherhood job, sist! And all the best for your job.

Do visit my blog for experience/knowledge sharing. ummunawwar.blogspot.com

hobo_mum said...

a million thanks to all who visited my blog and leave a positive comments...

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